Attention!!!!The future is now!!!!!I’m not yelling at you because I’m angry. No, this is because I’m so absolutely excited about our latest invention!!!! I would like to introduce you to an innovative product that will revolutionize the way that you go about your day. Does it seem like there is just never quite enough time in your day? Well folks, have we got a viable solution for you. Part C.D. and mp3 player, part colostomy bag, this is a nifty gadget that allows you to “relieve yourself” of all of the useless, unnecessary stress caused by rushing around all day. We call it the Sh*tman. Why waste valuable time visiting the “throne” when you, yourself, can live like a king, defecating on the go to the sweet sounds of Van Morrison’s “Brown-Eye Girl”? This personal audio unit will sync with your P.C., letting you store music, videos and pictures into one convenient source….and for all of you Mac users out there, have no fear, you haven’t been forgotten. The iPoo is the one for you. After the first production run, our company will also be producing a compact model (the iPee) available in broad spectrum of colors. You are just a phone call away from being the first person on your block to own this cute little “nugget”. Priced at only six small payments of $42.99, this thing is a steal. Don’t get stuck with your “pants down”. ACT NOW!!!! As an added bonus, if you CALL NOW!!!! and mention the current ad featuring our new pitchman, NASCAR’s own living legend, Mark Martin along with the 41 digit referral code printed on the bottom of the coupon, we will give you another 2% OFF of your first purchase (excluding the soon to be released on the American market iPee)

You know what? We’re so confident in our product that we’ll toss in the optional limited life-time warranty for FREE!!!!! This is a $199.98 VALUE!!!! And just to reinforce this fact, we honor a full 30-Day No Moneyback/ No Questions Return policy!!!!! This is a hanging curve ball served right up so that you can knock it out of the park. Down the “ol‘ shute” as they used to call it in the great American past time. There are NO RISKS!!!! when ordering your Sh*tman, iPoo or iPee (excluding possible side effects that have commonly occurred to our Eastern-block European focus groups, trained Monkeys and lab rats. These symptoms range from staff infection, intense twitching of the earlobes, anal seepage, gout, small-pox, medium-pox, grande‘-pox and death…….for a more complete list, please reference the website noted at the bottom.)
Wow!!!! “Are you sure, Ronnie? Are you allowed to do that? You’re INSANE!!!! This is INSANE!!!” Folks, my assistant manager has just informed me that if you BUY NOW!!!!, we are gonna throw in ALL of the accessories that are made for the Sh*tman or iPoo‘ for FREE!!!NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!!! This includes the:

• The Automotive Package, which includes a car charger and cableless, thru-radio transmitter.
• The Business Package, including the stylish leather carrying case featuring compartments for your laptop, business cards, pens and whatever else that a person of importance like you wants to bring along for the ride.
• The Time Saver Package, where many more of your daily needs can be lumped into one sitting. Eat on the go with the included cup holder, folding tray, thermos, cooler and hot-plate. Going to an concert, or maybe an athletic event? You can chill out and enjoy a beverage with a limited edition Mark Martin beer cozee that we’ll throw in with the purchase.
• The Boyscout Package….be prepared! This includes everything else that you’ll ever need. Cleaning kit, repair and patch kit, headphones, Swiss army knife, interchangeable decorative cases, instructional D.V.D. and yearlong subscription to our many different iCrap web casts along with much, much more….. altogether this packages ring in at a whopping SAVINGS of $799.99!!!!!!!!

It may sound too good to be true, but it’s not. We just love selling crap!

For further details, feel free to visit our website or stop into our showroom located just off of the “Hershey Highway” at the intersection of Brown St. and Rt. 80 in scenic Pennsylvania. Feel free to also drop the kids off at our newly constructed wading pool while you peruse all of our in-stock inventory. The MacBarney sales staff is highly knowledgeable, courteous and helpful for all of your shopping needs. Heck, we even offer group rates and senior discounts. So swing on by and take a ride on a shiny new Sh*tman or iPoo.